On February 23rd I discovered I was pregnant with our 4th baby. I wouldn't say it was or was not planned (and not that that matters for any reason), but it was unexpected as had taken a full year to get pregnant with Suri. My due date was October 19th, 2012.

Things proceeded as they did with the other 3 pregnancies, however I insisted on an early ultrasound with this one just to know if we'd need a bigger vehicle or house (multiples!).

On April 3rd I packed Suri up and we headed off to the imaging center to see her baby sister/brother. Vin was in Taiwan so a friend of mine came to help with Suri and join in the excitement of another little life.

But, it wasn't to be. I knew immediately that baby didn't look like it should at 11wks 4days. And I could clearly see there was no magic little flash where there should have been one.

Our baby had stopped developing around 9wks and had passed sometime in the few days previous.

I was shocked and heartbroken (and, yes, I know this is a very common thing, but that hardly changes how sad it is). And Vin was a long way away.

I've decided to continue to let nature take its course and use no medical intervention at this time. I feel very strongly that as this little one's mommy the only thing I can do for it is let it go with some dignity and respect and in the time my body is ready. Now I wait.

Today is 12 weeks. The time that a pregnant mom breathes a little sigh of relief. It's not how I thought it would be, but I'm trying to be a peace with it.